


Caution: Late Night Host and Scruffy Nerf-Herder Drunk Spooning Next 50 Miles

by Tish



Category: Fake News RPF, Late Night Host RPF, The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (TV)
Genre: Bad Puns, Fluff, M/M, Spooning, it had to be done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-24 03:14:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14346816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tish/pseuds/Tish
Summary: After the revelations of Sean Hannity's connection to Fuckface von Clownstick's lawyer, Stephen just has to celebrate this gift to comedy with Jon.





	Caution: Late Night Host and Scruffy Nerf-Herder Drunk Spooning Next 50 Miles

“Wine. More wine,” Jon demanded as he waved his glass around in the dimly lit room.

“Hold still and lemme pour.”

“Fill her up, baby,” Jon did his best to keep his glass level and still as he rocked with a fresh bout of laughter.

Stephen poured out their wine and quickly settled in behind Jon's vibrating frame again. “Ahhh, this is like getting a massage.”

Jon's laughter turned to a dolphin-like squeal. “Oh, God! Why did I suddenly imagine Lumpy getting a full release massage?”

Stephen pressed closer, cracking up. “Stop. STAHP! I ran out of brain bleach! You feel so nice, Jon.”

“You feel nice, too. Could lose the bottle, though. It's pressing into me,” Jon's giggles subsided as he wriggled back into Stephen.

Stephen nuzzled against Jon's neck and murmured happily, “That's not the bottle, Jon.”

“How long have you had that boner? All day? Jeez, it's lasted longer than The Mooch,” Jon started giggling again, snuggling even closer.

“Man, those were innocent times. We were so young then,” Stephen sighed. “Well, maybe not you, Methuselah.”

Jon reached back and landed a soft slap on Stephen. “Hush, or I'll strangle you with my beard.”

“You can choke me any day,” Stephen laughed as he wrapped his free arm around Jon, the half-empty glass tilting and reflecting a diamond of light onto Jon's face.

“I haven't laughed so much since? Fuck, when?” Jon exhaled.

“Since you were last under my desk?” Stephen asked, stretching forward to set the glass down.

Jon turned on his old man Jew voice. “Ah, yes. Back in 1472. Lumpy's head was 3 sizes smaller, then. Fuckface von Clownstick was still only on lawyer number 13. We were so innocent, so young.”

Stephen yawned and moved his hand along Jon's stomach, tragically ravaged flat by a vegan diet. “I got your tummy pudge, and a bit more to spare.”

“Hmmm, food prop gags and stress eating from this fucked-up presidency will do that for you,” Jon answered, stroking Stephen's hand.

“Stress drinking, too. Good think I'm not a smoker,” Stephen closed his eyes, settling against Jon's neck.

“Mmm, you stick absolutely anything else in your mouth, though,” Jon giggled.

Stephen turned his “Stephen” on. “You offering, Stewart?”

More giggling in the dark. “You asking, Colbert?”

“I won't have to plead the 5th on this question, Jon,” laughed Stephen as he gently rolled Jon over.

“I bet it'll stand up in court,” Jon said as he stared down at Stephen's crotch.

“If you'll be my attorney, I'll put it in your hands, Jon.” Stephen was sincere, which only made Jon grin even more.

“Is that a gavel in your pocket, or you just happy to see me?” Jon waggled his eyebrows slightly, adding, “You wanna do anything about that outstanding matter, or are you gonna let the case rest?” 

“Mhmmhm,” Stephen pushed Jon back on his side and yawned again. “Let's wait and see what else comes up.”

They lay spooning in silence for a while, content and sleepy from the wine and giggles.

“Jon?” Stephen started cautiously.

“Yeah, Stephen?”

Stephen pursed his lips, pondering one of life's great mysteries. “You know how Hannity's head keeps slowly expanding, right? Where does one blow to inflate it?”

The only answer Stephen got was Jon's body starting to rock, then a shriek of laughter. “NoooooOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOO!”


End file.
